Dear 16-year-old me…

Originally Published on Kiss.ie

Hey Anna, 

Yep we made It to 30 I know there were times we didn’t think we would get here but we did it and I’m excited for our future. 

I feel like we have been speaking a lot this year as I have found myself temporarily living back in my teenage room.  We hid a lot of pain in that room didn’t we? To be fair we do have a lot of stuff so it is easy to put all your worries in coat pockets, behind sunglasses, under hats and in a fake ‘Louise Vuitton” bags then to share them. 

Sharing your worries is like sharing a packet of chewing gum in a very short space of time they will be gone! 

There is a lesson in facing your problems head on otherwise you are forced to return to them later in life, that or else there is a global pandemic and this is just a horrible coincidence! 

At 16 you were funny, kind, a pain the hole to your folks, completely terrified and beautiful (vomit I know) I know when you look in the mirror you see a ‘Gollum’ like character looking back but you just really needed to clean that mirror, hoover your room and help your Mum around the house more.  

The fear isn’t completely gone, anxiety is always prevalent in our lives but you have learnt the tools to deal with them like, meditation, sea swimming, therapy, gardening, talking with your folks and friends.

The best part about being a teen was the craic god the craic when you we 16 you cannot beat it. Those summers with my mates I will never forget, the belly aches and tears that would roll down our faces. I mean we were all fools but I still love every single one of those fools to this day.  Do as much as you can, say yes to everything and be kind to everyone along the way. 

The craic was all that mattered to me and I guess it still does and sometimes I even get paid for being a bitta craic. 

Drink less though, you are the life of the party without it, drink does not make you confident, it does not make you funny, it does not make you attractive or sexy. It can make you numb and we don’t want that we want to feel it all in this life the ups and the downs make us more focused, resilient and appreciative.

Getting a part time job and then a role on Fair City really helped you learn the importance of making your own money and being independent. From the age of 15 we rarely asked our folks for money and I believe that helped them into an early retirement and is why I don’t mind taking up some space in the house once again for a few months. (which reminds me, I need to help my Mam around the house more!) 

Your parents are the best, you know that but they don’t know you know that so tell them.

Boys are great but the ones you keep dating won’t be ready for anything serious till like 92 so enjoy it for what is it and focus more on yourself. I get annoyed about how many eejits hurt you along the way but the heart wants what it wants and god I just love a fool who smells of ‘Joop’! 

I don’t regret a relationship I regret the investment I put into it, like paying for a lot of meals! 

School was rough wasn’t it, amazing group of friends you still have to this day but by god what was the rest of it about? It doesn’t help that the academic system is set up to let us believe we are truly dumb from a young age if we are not performing well at school. That’s when we gave up, like ‘oh well I am dumb why would I bother lifting a pen’. 

Resisting takes so much energy, accepting you’re not going to be the first Doctor in the Clifford family is way easier and a blessing for all Irish people. 

Going to school and having a nap at the back of class is probably easier than fighting at home to keep your head on the pillow.

We didn’t go to college but the ski trips and parties people were going on looked like fun so I wouldn’t rule it out again! 

You’re going to be raging when you hear this but food is not the enemy, I know we thought if we waged a war on white carbs that we would win, but we did not, we lost a lot of time we could have spent enjoying food and people’s company without the stress of dieting, restrictions or any guilt attached. We thought chocolate could go to hell only to find yourself there and that chocolate remained on the shelfs in the real world! 

If you take the focus away from your appearance and look at what food can do to keep you healthy and energised.

If you find the balance of a treat and a nutritious dinner and understand binging should only be a term used for a really good ‘Netflix’ series. 

There does not need to be less or more of you standing here just standing confidently is all that is required. 

Don’t look at someone else and wish you had something they have ‘Comparison is the thief of Joy’ not my own words but I love that saying, look at yourself and pick the things you have that no one else does, be proud of them, bushy hair and a squishy nose make for great party tricks!

I wish I could tell you to ask for help sooner, there are so many people and supports around you to help get that shite out of your head. Then we might have started Stand Up Comedy earlier and I would be on ‘Live at the Apollo’ by now but there are no direct paths for anyone! Just a lot of random trails and your google maps is broken so you have to trust you are on the right track. Yes, we do Stand-up Comedy now, I know you always thought you were gas, and yes, it’s a very scary job but I always tell people no more terrifying than sending the first text or some of the nasty things you have said to yourself. 

When you grow up it will all be mad, truly mad! You never wanted a 9-5 so what you got was a 24/7.  Your life is so exciting, you have travelled and lived in different countries, acted in theatre, TV and Film. Performed stand up, modelled, worked in fashion, been a presenter, waited on tables, worked in offices, sweet shops, written and performed your own sketches, plays and stand up hours. Had so many successes and a million more failures. Had your heart broke over and over that you thought you must just be unlovable and then bam someone else comes along to potentially break it again!

Tried all the gym classes, diets, self-help books, careers and hairstyles!

Tried so hard at everything you did to only learn that if you stop trying wonderful things will happen.

You are slowly changing every day and becoming freer in yourself, that is the beauty of getting older! I welcome all that age offers except the needing to pee more as they have temporarily closed the loo’s in St Stephen’s Green! 

But ultimately the things that matter the most have not changed, your love for your family, friends and the craic has not gone anywhere. Your drive and passion to be an entertainer. That will never leave even though it is a hard road you just wouldn’t suit being an accountant as you only ever used your calculator to spell ‘Boobies’!

People are so important to you, every single person you meet and everyone you have the pleasure of performing in front. Kindness is your biggest strength and selfishly makes you feel good too.  Keep making people laugh the world needs it. 

If you want some advice I would recommend going to Da for it but here’s my last few words. 

Perfection doesn’t exist it is a myth or an Instagram filter so give up on that one, there is no rush so take the pressure off and enjoy the present moment. Looking the future and looking to the past is like wearing an eye mask, tiring and dark.  Give yourself a break but also please stop hitting the snooze button so much! Joy is a woman who lives at the end of your road who is never in when you call so let her come to you. 

You were born with everything you need so use it, even show it off, go on!

I am 30 now, old in your eyes but to me I am just getting started. There are so many more things I know I can achieve.

I love you, repeat that every day I frickin’ love you xx