Sunday Drunch
20/06/2021
Drunk on Butter!
At brunch on Father’s day I had to ask for butter with my bread?! I think in 2021 if we can’t spread enough kindness to presume everyone needs a ramekin of butter beside every meal then we’re heading down a slippery slope of tasteless food... and good health, ew! Food without a condiment is like sex with a condom, it’ll do but I won’t be telling my friends about it!
When did I first realise I had a butter addiction you ask? When I was dared to eat a spoon of butter and I happily ate two? Or when my Da sent a frozen block of ‘Kerrygold’ via regular post to me In Vancouver, Canada, and it arrived perfectly spreadable.
‘I blame my parents’, a great saying if anyone has been doing work on their inner child in the past year. The trauma comes from them being the type of folk who put butter in the fridge, so when I needed it on every meal it had to go on like a slice of cheese! Otherwise I was going to have holes in my bread and we were not practicing catholics!
I have only this year started to leave butter out and it’s been a ‘heeling process’, the heel of a batch loaf with loads of room temperature butter!
In primary school when we used to ask who people wanted to marry, my best friend would say she wanted to marry a ‘Ritz’ cracker and this blew my mind. Marrying a ritz cracker, genius! You wouldn’t be lonely or hungry again. It made me instantly aware that love doesn’t have any barriers. I love butter just the same, if not more than how much I love my brother, as butter has never chased me around the house while I am on the phone trying to stuff it’s sock in my mouth! What you fall in love with you have no control over, it is felt so deeply that it can hurt so intensely when it ends abruptly. I am speaking of course when they took twisty fries off the McDonald’s menu!
I love butter but margarine is a dirty lil treat every now and again, I enjoy how fake it is, it’s so enjoyable and so easily spread like a man's legs when he’s in the middle seat at the back of car!
The waiter brings a tiny ramekin of butter, it won’t be enough. It is simply never enough! It’s now down to if I can grab his attention to get more butter at some stage during our meal even though I know as a server once you think a table has everything you avoid them like an ex boyfriend at a party, happy to see them enjoying themselves but could they also please f**k off!
Maybe I should start bringing my own butter in my bag to places, like the Irish Beyonce! In one of her songs she says ‘I got hot sauce in my bag, swag!’
‘I got Kerrygold in my tote, dope!’