Comedy For Witches
Greeting Ghouls,
My aim is to post a monthly blog post on the full moon each month. This one is late with the full moon being on the 27th but I’ve justified my own procrastination because it makes sense for the first post to be on Samhain a day when the world of the gods was believed to be made visible to humankind. So let me know what you saw of the afterlife last night. To me, it was a TikTok feed of Hailey and Justin Bieber costumes, a couple of Mr Beans and surprisingly no Barbies. If that’s the door to death I’ll swipe past it for now.
I’m always looking for something or someone to blame that’s why I envy people with a religion. I’ll still say ‘Jesus Christ’ and ‘Ah God’ as If I know them as if they’re aul lads who say slightly misogynistic things but they were of a different time so you love them anyway!
The moon I can see and if she can control the tides who’s to say she wasn’t the one who hit my snooze button 8 times last Friday? She’s high in the sky and I’ve grown to be able to look all other authoritarians in the eye. So she’s the one I’ll look to for answers from.
Alright moon last month
The harvest moon marked the start of ‘fall’. Which is the American English word for the British English word ‘Autumn’ which is the Irish English word for ‘It’s fierce nippy but I’ll wear the same coat as I have been wearing all summer until there is ice on my car’
I hate this weather, I find it hard to dress as I believe layers are only for Lasagne. I refuse to accept the changing of seasons until I have hardened Kleenex surrounding my beside. My nose is like a tap, it’s a purge of sorts, get out all the notions that you can evade the colder months by playing the EuroMillions every week and dreaming of the Bahamas. The tissues look like little ghosts one for every conversation I started on a dating app this summer and never heard back. RIP. (response in post ) I presume.
I was told that Cancerian’s last month’s full moon meant to bring success in their careers so I can’t fault her there. Ireland’s Perfect Pubs was released and the feedback from followers and friends would warm the feet of anyone who continues to wear ankle socks into the winter. Thank you to those who have watched.
Something magic
Some people won’t believe in magic and to them I ask how do you explain Bluetooth? Currently, I’m struggling with these Bluetooth earbuds an ex bought me I think my ear is rejecting them. Your body keeps the score and all that. So far they have fallen into the sink while I was washing the dishes, into my soup in a restaurant and onto the road as I was crossing ( cue horror music )
The most magical moment of my day is always when I grab the instant coffee, yes I adore instant coffee, I’ve dated too many coffee geeks to know this will horrify many. I love how quickly those granules vanish with boiling water, watch the dark liquid turn to beige as I add full-fat milk no messing. The best part is dunking a plain digestive biscuit into my coffee, which makes the texture so perfect and the timing of my dunk so precise that it just melts away in my mouth and reassures me that no matter what problems I face today most of them will not be able to be fixed by a biscuit so enjoy every feckin bite!
Let’s go moon
This month’s full moon was the Hunter moon Cancerians are being told to rest in the coming month something you don’t have to tell me twice. I love my bed. A friend asked me recently if it was the end of the world where would like to be and I said bed. She said Thailand. The details of how the world was ending weren’t discussed but even so, I know I would rather be holding a hot water bottle than a bucket!
On the night of the lunar eclipse, I stood admiring the moon and thanking it which my friend then pointed out was actually the Dublin Bus Garage floodlights in the distance. ( gratitude is gratitude no matter where you aim it!)
Whenever I hear the word ‘eclipse’ I have to repeat the Jaffa Cake ad. ‘Full moon, half moon, Total Eclipse’. I don’t even like Jaffa Cakes but I really enjoy playing with my food. It’s a genius way to teach kids ( me ) about the universe. Watch me grab a baked potato and say ‘The Earth’ take a bite out of it ‘is…’ eat the rest of the potato ‘fucked’.
Apparently, a lunar eclipse is quite influential for the emotional well-being of individuals. It could act as a trigger for the zodiacs to have breakthroughs in their relationships and help them significantly in their path of self-growth. Hallelujah growth feels gross but can you imagine being the same hooligan you were ten years ago? Sounds like it’s time for Cancerians to come out of their shell and find someone else to call home for winter. The dating apps on my phone get opened and closed as much as my fridge. I’m sure there is something in there to my taste but I can’t see it. Pot noodles for one again but maybe the moon will do its thing and next month it will be pot two-oodles!
Potion of the month:
Espresso martini.
October saw me sign off on my 8th and final wedding of the year. On day two I needed reviving I ordered an Espresso Martini it is a spell that will trigger a yawn-like phenomenon around you where seven people will then order one. It’s a gift the taste of adrenaline and alcohol in a stemmed glass. Perfection. If you would like to enjoy one below is a recipe…
Ingredients
For the sugar syrup
100g Golden caster sugar
For the cocktail
Ice
100ml of Vodka
50ml freshly brewed espresso coffee
50ml coffee liqueur (we used Kahlua)
4 coffee beans (optional)
Method
STEP 1
Start by making the sugar syrup. Put the caster sugar in a small pan over medium heat and pour in 50ml water. Stir, and bring to a boil.STEP 2
Turn off the heat and allow the mixture to cool. Put 2 Martini glasses in the fridge to chill.STEP 3
Once the sugar syrup is cold, pour 1 tbsp into a cocktail shaker along with a handful of ice, the Absolut Original vodka, espresso and coffee liqueur. Shake until the outside of the cocktail shaker feels icy cold.
STEP 4
Strain into the chilled glasses. Garnish each one with coffee beans if you like.
Chat next month Witches x
As I touch on a spooky time in our calendars yearly there is really nothing more terrifying than the way we can treat each other in our lifetime. I signed this petition for a cease-fire in Palestine. Sign here if you wish to. All lives are worthy.
Sources
Newgrange.com, lifestyleasia.com, Brandeis.edu, chaninicholas.com, astrobutterfly.com and countryliving.com